Disclaimer: Another self-reflection rant…
I’ve had an ego for a long time and I think I am one of few from the subset of those who have such an ego as I can recognize it and acknowledge it. I think ego is easily attained by realizing how much one has accomplished given one’s obstacles. Obviously ego is also bred from other sources, but I think that’s where mine came from. No one person has experienced an identical set of obstacles on their path to success – some may have faced similar and those people become close friends often enough. As these once substantial accomplishments age, they become more normal in your mind by nature, and ego returns to control.
I’m not the only kid who made a lot of money in high school, but it was rare. I’m also not the only kid to ever be diagnosed with Crohn’s disease, but it is also rare. When you combine these rarities, you’re looking at rare at a scale of like n2 rare. Throw in more substantial obstacles, which we won’t get into, but you can see where this is going.
Ego is what people despise and confidence is what people want. I don’t really find there to be as much overlap but you’d expect there to more, given they are so often mistaken for one rather than the other.
Confidence is not really forced successfully although people try to. Why? In my experience, everyone wants to be considered confident. Everyone wants to be seen as a leader – which I think is why it’s so hard to fill labour jobs in 2020.
Confidence is forced on social media through “body positivity” for example. That is, people who are not considered “in shape” attempted to show their imperfect body off and embrace it. People have a weird tendency of embracing the things that make them different, especially when they’re being polarized by a group, almost like the individual doubles down. Like if a kid doesn’t fit in, say in high school, they might dye their purple, which makes them fit in even less. They may get piercings, and go further and further, to stand out more and more. Some are trying to show their lack of care for another’s opinion, but in reality everything they did to be unique was done to alter the other’s opinion. It’s kind of weird.
I’ve probably been confident for about a year. I attribute confidence based on the collection of opinions of me and my experiences interacting with other individuals. This means that no one opinion can alter my confidence. Not all women find me attractive but lots do, therefore that is enough. Not every kid envies my accomplishments at their age but lots do, therefore that is enough. Not every college kid envies the relaxed free-flowing life I live, but lots do… therefore that is enough.
You could probably try to force confidence, maybe by artificially convincing yourself you are smart, successful and attractive but at some point, someone will get you off centre and see your true self. You could also just ignore all the theory and say if you get in shape and make money, you’ll probably end up confident.
Fitness and money are two quantifiable set of metrics that are indisputable. You either are underweight, overweight or neither. You either make more than $80,400 per year (top 10% in Canada) or you don’t. Success in qualitative traits is great, and part of a well-rounded person, like say how friendly you are or how compassionate you are. The problem with qualities is that you’ll self doubt, because you’re not yet confident. Confidence is built on your knowing exactly how well you stand and that’s known via quantitative traits, like your body fat percentage or how much money you made over the weekend. Is it sad to say that? Sure. These are the shallow traits. People get defensive with traits that are quantified. Why? Because they can’t be disputed. If you’re an asshole, that can be disputed. Maybe not everyone sees you as an asshole. So someone calling you an asshole doesn’t crush your confidence as much, just as being friendly won’t build it very much.
It’s funny. A person might argue “no one cares about your abs or how much money you make” – and sadly that couldn’t be anywhere further from the truth. We as humans judge one another based on these traits. If you’re walking down a narrow sidewalk and there’s a 260-pound linebacker walking towards are 120-lb teenager, the 120-lb kid will certainly move off to the side. When it comes to finances, people love to be envious of what you buy and how you spend your money. They love to talk crap about it. So in conclusion, people do care about your weight and your money. It doesn’t benefit them any but they’ll love to talk about it. It’s a sad world but it’s best to adapt and move forward.
In conclusion, once you convince yourself you are worthy, via stats about yourself like fitness and finances, your confidence will begin. Then once others opinions of your newfound self start to flow, your confidence will grow and that’s where it becomes noticeable. You’ll realize how well you stand, and you’ll pretty much disregard anyone who thinks otherwise. You’ll be less tempted to try to prove yourself. You don’t need to always be dressed to the nines when you leave your house, because you know that when you do dress nice, you are well perceived. You don’t need a fancy house to show people you have money, because they already know. Once you’re confident you naturally get off the idea of trying to prove yourself and spend your time and money on better things to increase overall happiness.